Why do we experience these comments and actions as painful? Because they somehow pushed our [Old Hurt] buttons. If we can identify and the remove the buttons that were pushed, we can keep our peace and stop the chain of pain.
The other day I received negative feedback about my behaviour. Some points were valid, although they were some small issues, but others were a total misinterpretation of my actions. As Wayne Dyer used to say, “What other people think of us, is none of our business.” It is impossible to be true to ourselves and at the same time keep other people happy all the time. Even if we do our best to keep them happy, we have no control over how they interpret our behaviour. All we can do is act with integrity and work with our buttons that are pushed by others.. We can do our best not to harm people, but we cannot guarantee we will not hurt others.
So I asked myself “How do I want to be treated by others?” I want to be accepted as I am. And now I am focusing on that. If I now see that others have great qualities that I don’t have, then I celebrate our differences. I am the way I am and that is ok. This doesn’t give me an excuse to be rude and horrible to others. But it does give me the freedom to be reserved when I feel like it, while other people are more outgoing, even it means that people think I am unfriendly.
We live in a society that loves judging people. When people are hurting themselves, they are more critical of others. They might even like to pull others down, in order to feel better about themselves. They will start talking to others about those people they are judging.
If we want to build peaceful communities, it is important that we teach ourselves and others to be non-judgmental. We can do this with our reaction when people complain to us about others. When someone says “That person is so unfriendly”, then we can put that in perspective and possibly say “Maybe they are a little reserved” or if you know the person they are talking about and you mean it, you can say, “I know him to be quite friendly once you know him. Don’t read too much into it.”
If we dislike the person they are talking about, I know it is very tempting to join them in their gossip. We just need to remember that gossip creates rifts and breaks down communities. It also destroys our own happiness.
If we have the courage to challenge the complainant, we could say “What button is this person pushing for you? Would you like to identify and remove this button within yourself so that you can feel better?” If they say yes you can ask them “What do you read into this person’s behaviour? Where are you treating yourself in a similar way? How can you start treating yourself the way you want to be treated?”
When we look at life as a reflection of ourselves, we stop blaming and take responsibility for our own happiness. Every time we judge someone, we are giving our power away. The more we identify and remove the buttons within ourselves, the happier we become and the more we create a life filled with joy and happiness!
In conclusion
If we want peace instead of sh1t, it is important that we take responsibility for our buttons. When they get pushed it is for us to identify and remove them. This way we create future peace for ourselves. We also create peace for others, because it becomes easier to stop the pain chain.